i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
