wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
