So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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