areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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