just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
