I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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