I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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