I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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