Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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