Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
