Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
