I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
