Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
