I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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