This is not my ceiling
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
