she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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