Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
