I wish you could order shots online.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
