Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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