I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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