you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize