Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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