I think scott just propositioned me for sex
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
