You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Who died my cat blue again?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
