wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
