The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
