he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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