i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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