just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's just like the Real World with babies
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
