Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize