Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
