True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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