I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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