I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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