I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Terrible idea I love it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
