Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
