Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
