only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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