Where is the hickey?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
