the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
