i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
