we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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