the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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