i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
