12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Is Oprah even human
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
