Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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