I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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