I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
