forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize