i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
