You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
