I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
