My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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