You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
