Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize