Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
