all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
