If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
