I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
