everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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