sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
