First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
