My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
