College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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