You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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