what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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