i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This is the high leading the old right now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
