hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
