I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
