you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
