Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
