Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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