My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
