i just had sex bonerless
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
