Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Alive.
So much puke
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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